


The opposite of love isn't hate, but indifference

by thequadraticformula



Series: I DON'T CARE [2]
Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-16 06:26:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21266525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thequadraticformula/pseuds/thequadraticformula
Summary: Dahyun is in love.Mina is full of hate.Momo is indifferent.They don't want to follow the pull of fate any more.SOULMATE AUI don't own this AU. I take zero credit for the idea.





	The opposite of love isn't hate, but indifference

**Author's Note:**

> This work is crossposted on Wattpad and Asianfanfics under the user 'thequadraticformula'.  
DO NOT REPOST THIS WORK.

There is a stillness in the air of the studio. A stillness that seemed to accentuate the emptiness within me. I could imagine myself in the room, it was just my – our – bedroom, but I could imagine it with the roof taken off and the walls reaching the sky and I can see the light, but I can never escape.

It had been 3 years. 3 years since I found my soulmate. 3 years since I lost my job, and many other more precious things in between. My entire life seemed to revolve around Myoui Mina and there was nothing I could do about it. I was trapped. The walls of my theoretical prison growing ever higher.

To be honest, it felt like she was never here, but always here at the same time. I felt alone all day, waiting for her to return, but when she did, she was pushing me into the bedroom and yelling at me and all I could think of is when she would leave next.

The one thing I definitely could not think about was Dahyun. It was forbidden. Yet it was inevitable. She sometimes slipped into my mind when I was in bed with Mina. When I saw the colours, I would remember her. Those eyes. The plain brown eyes. Her smile. And then I would feel good when Mina moved her hands lower and lower and I would remember what it felt like to make love. I made love to Dahyun. Long, long ago. Mina made me feel empty.

I guess my thoughts of Dahyun sometimes showed up on my face, because every time Mina would growl at me to stop.

I still basked in the stillness. I could see Mina practicing her dance with her members through a window. She was a hard worker. She was never late to a practice and always seemed to leave late. She had dragged me along today to watch.

“I want to introduce you properly before we get married.” She had said. Oh god. The wedding. That was the last thing I wanted to think about, but it also seemed to be on my mind just as much as Dahyun was.

There hadn’t been a proposal. Not really. Mina had this sort of ‘expectation’ that soulmates must get married. I figured that out pretty quickly. So did the rest of the world.

Our engagement was all over the news. Trending in South Korea and Japan. It made me sick when I read the headlines realising that Twice’s Mina was my Myoui Mina and the ex-JYP trainee was me. We were getting married at the end of the month.

All of Twice was invited of course. So were Mina’s friends from Japan and her parents who were due to arrive in South Korea next week to help with the preparations. I had refused to invite my parents. I hadn’t talked to them for eight years. The only mention they probably ever got from me now was the news reports due to my association with Mina. They would probably find their own way over here to hassle me about my failures.

Or maybe Mina would invite them without asking. She did stuff like that sometimes.

The energetic dancing of the four-member group stopped and my nerves spiked. I knew that within a moment’s notice, I would be introduced to Twice as Mina’s fiancé. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to. I could see Mina talking excitedly to them. She made lots of big hand gestures as she talked which seemed uncharacteristic to me. But I guess, really, I don’t know anything about the real Mina. I only know the Mina that comes to bed with me every night.

The girls slowly approached the glass door next to the window I had been looking through and filed into the waiting room, big smiles on their faces as they beheld me. I didn’t know if I should be smiling or not. I glanced at Mina, who also had a wide smile on her face, so I did my best to mirror her expression.

_“Momo you’re such an idiot!” Dahyun cried, tackling me to the ground to try and snatch my phone from my hands. I just laughed underneath her and held it as far away as I could._

_“It’s a cute photo!” I tried to convince her, kissing her cheek as she tried to reach for it again._

_“No, it isn’t! I wasn’t ready! Delete it!” I just laughed as our banter turned to kisses and cuddles._

Mina would kill me if she knew what was running through my mind as a smile found its way to my face.

“She’s cuter in real life!” A girl with light shaded hair spoke. I knew her from pictures on the internet as Minatozaki Sana. Her voice was bubbly, and light and her aura seemed to carry the notion of mythical creatures and fantasy stories. She seemed like she would be a fun person to have around. Like Mina and I, she was Japanese. I suppose she might be closer to Mina in that case. But Mina never said anything about work. I didn’t know.

I bowed at the compliment, shaking my head slightly. When I stood straight again, she was holding out her hand. I took it, my heart beating a little faster, hoping in vein that I would see the colours for her. Anyone but Mina. But of course, I didn’t. I took Minatozaki’s hand and continued to see in greys.

“Minatozaki Sana.” She said, her eyes sparkling. Dahyun would have liked her eyes. She always said that the eyes were the most interesting part of a person. Sana’s eyes were wonderful.

“Hirai Momo.” I replied.

The other girls introduced themselves in turn. Each shake of the hand left me in black and white. The cute small girl was Son Chaeyoung and the tall one was Chou Tzuyu. I was always surprised that there was only one native Korean member in Twice. It made me angry. Since when did JYPE become so accepting of other cultures?

“I’m so happy to finally meet you in person.” Son chimed in. “Mina’s told us so much about you!”

That made me curious. What could Mina have possibly told them about me? When was the last time we simply sat down together and talked? I couldn’t remember it.

“Really?” I asked, glancing at my soulmate curiously. She shook her head slightly, blinking once. _Play along_.

“What do you say we go out together for lunch?” Minatozaki said cheerfully, the other girls agreeing almost instantly, except for me and Chou. The girl was rather quiet, looking timidly between Mina and me. I wondered if she could sense that something wasn’t completely right with us.

Before either of us could protest, Mina had taken my hand, the world suddenly flushing with bright colours and began leading me out the door.

We walked together, each of the members of Twice covered up with big jackets and surgical masks to conceal their identity. I was safe to walk normally as my presence wasn’t that well known just yet. All I was to the rest of the world was Mina’s soulmate. A possession that she had picked up and just happened to want to show off.

After much debate, we eventually decided on a small Japanese restaurant a few blocks away from the dance studio. Minatozaki had insisted over and over again that it was the best place for sushi and ramen and raved about the cute staff members that did table delivery.

I didn’t really want to eat sushi. Sushi reminded me of Dahyun. I had tried to teach her to make it once. Embarrassingly, she ended up being a natural, her perfect sushi rolls making mine look like clumps of sticky rice with a little bit of tearing seaweed stuck haphazardly around the sides. I suppose she had lots of practice making kimbap.

We took a seat at the back of the restaurant, the table partially hidden by a wall which allowed the members of Twice to remove their masks and jackets without being harassed by paparazzi. Mina and Minatozaki sat opposite Son, Chou and me, my legs tangled with Mina’s under the table as we looked at the menu.

“Why don’t we just share the large seafood sushi plate?” Son asked, pointing to an image of what looked like amazingly prepared and intricately designed sushi grouped in sections of flavour and filling. My stomach growled out loud, contradictory to my thoughts of the food choice. I really didn’t want sushi.

“Momo seems to want it.” Mina smiled at me; she reached her hand over the table to take mine.

Mina didn’t know anything about me.

It was just then that a waiter came to take our order.

“Hi! What can I get for you?”

The sound of the voice almost made me choke on the very air I was breathing. I looked up and sure enough, there she stood. That familiar smile. The one I was still in love with. Her eyes. I could see their colour due to me holding Mina’s hand. They were so pretty. She was dressed neatly in a kitchen uniform, a white apron around her waist and her hair tied up in a bun, tucked under a hat. She was just as beautiful as I remembered.

“Dahyun?”

Her face fell as she locked eyes with mine. She looked from my eyes to my hands interlocked with Mina’s and then back again. I immediately ripped my hands away from Mina’s and stood up, unable to control the urge to hug her like my life depended on it.

She stumbled back a bit as my arms latched around her neck. She smelled like home. I buried my head into her neck and heard her puff out a breath of surprise. I knew she was watching the colours of the room. For the first time in three years. It felt so good to have her back in my arms after so long. I felt whole for the first time in three years.

But that feeling was gone in a split second as I simultaneously felt Dahyun push me away and Mina drag me back to my seat.

I felt my eyes tearing up.

“What just happened?” Son asked, her voice sceptical.

Dahyun looked just as shocked and emotionally drained as I felt, her own eyes failing to conceal the tears that they so desperately wanted to release.

Mina kicked my shin under the chair as a tear fell from my eyelids at the same time as Dahyun bowed deeply in an apology that she didn’t need to make. She walked away as fast as she could back to the kitchen.

“Hey!” Son called. “We didn’t get to order yet!”

I couldn’t look at Mina. I hurriedly wiped my eyes and returned my expression to something neutral, pretending like I didn’t just see the love of my life after three years of silence. Like I didn’t just see her reject me for the second time. Like I hadn’t been pulled away from her again.

“What the fuck?” Mina growled. I didn’t know if she was angry at me or Dahyun or the restaurant.

“Hey.” Tzuyu said softly from beside me. “Are you ok?” It was the first substantial thing she had said to me and I already knew she would be a valuable friend.

I glanced at her, nodding slightly.

“So, you know the cute waitress?” Sana piped up.

“No, she doesn’t.” Mina interrupted.

“Mina just let her speak.” Tzuyu added. Her hand found its way to my back. It was a comforting gesture that I was extremely grateful for.

There was a pause. I supposed I was meant to say something, so I answered Sana’s question.

“No.” I said, because if I had said anything else there was no telling what Mina would say when we got home. My stomach hurt.

“I have to go to the bathroom.” I mumbled, not allowing Mina or Tzuyu to stop me from standing up and travelling sluggishly toward the public bathrooms at the back of the restaurant.

I felt the tears coming again as I opened the door only to come face to face with the person, I thought I would never see again.

She was standing by the sinks, her face drenched in tears and her eyes fixed on me. I saw a million thoughts flash across her eyes before she ran into my arms.

We didn’t say anything to each other. We sank to the floor, our arms tightly around one another. She had her eyes shut against my shoulder, but I kept mine open. Trying as hard as I could to see the colours. I needed to see them. To prove to Dahyun that she was meant to be with me. I thought about lying again. Like I had all those years ago. Just telling her that I could see them so she would let me back into her life and so I could escape Mina. But I couldn’t do that to her again.

I don’t know how long we sat on the floor of the public bathroom. I don’t remember when the embrace turned to heated kissing. I don’t remember how I locked the door of the cubical, pushing Dahyun against the door, her shirt unbuttoned and her hands tugging at my pants. It wasn’t meant to happen.

The burning desire to make love to Dahyun wasn’t meant to force its way into my head. Her hands weren’t supposed to be in between my legs. The little ‘_I love you’s_ weren’t meant to slip out of my mouth.

She bit down on her shirt in an attempt to stay quiet and I tried to breathe slowly as the feeling of love built up to its maximum.

It was Dahyun to was brought back to reality first, jerking her hands away from between my legs, her teeth unclenching from her shirt. The removal of the feeling of ecstasy building up awoke me then and I stepped back, horrified at what I had just done.

Dahyun’s eyes were wide and shocked. She looked at her hands. I was the first to act. I pulled my pants back up, ignoring the unattended heat and helped Dahyun button up her shirt again, wiping her hands clean for her with the paper in the cubical.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered. “That wasn’t fair.”

I opened the cubical door, letting Dahyun out first. She washed her hands in silence. I joined her. Unsure of what to make of my first interaction with her after so long. It hadn’t meant to go like that.

Just before I left the bathroom, I locked eyes with her, hoping that she knew that I still loved her. After all these years I was waiting for her. That what had just occurred in the bathroom just then wasn’t a joke to me.

“I know.” Dahyun said to me, her voice broken and sad.

When I got back to the table there was a seafood platter on the table, half eaten. All four girls stared at me as I sat back down. Tzuyu and Mina eyed me in turn. Tzuyu seemed to be asking if I was ok, while Mina seemed to be asking why I had taken so long.

I took my seat, ignoring them both, instead focusing on how much sushi I could eat before I started crying again.

***

“Jihyo this is really, REALLY bad.” I called my non-biological mother on the phone as soon as I returned to the apartment, avoiding Mina and locking myself outside on the balcony. “This is so bad.”

“Calm down, dumbass.” Jihyo teased, laughing slightly. I didn’t appreciate it.

“This isn’t funny. This is serious.”

“Ok then. Explain.”

So, I told Jihyo everything. Not in detail obviously. She would have hung up on me. There was a short silence on the other end of the line as Jihyo processed the story in her mind.

“I don’t get it.” She said slowly.

“What’s so hard to get!” I cried. What was wrong with this woman!

“Mina is your soulmate.” Jihyo said. “Why don’t you love her?”

It was then that I realised that my situation was truly unique. All my friends had found their soulmate before they had started dating. Nayeon and Jeongyeon had had each other for almost six years. Jihyo had found her soulmate, Kang Daniel, only last year. They were happy. They were in love. Everything made sense because they were compatible. Because they knew that they were only for each other.

Jihyo, Jeongyeon and Nayeon would never understand my situation. Being in love with someone other than your soulmate was unheard of. Impossible. Just like Jihyo had said: It didn’t make sense. Jihyo would never understand it. But I was desperate.

“I love Dahyun.” I said to her. “I still love her.” Jihyo was silent again.

“Then tell her.” She said suddenly. I was taken aback by her response after all the confusion and silence.

“What do you mean?”

“Tell her that you love her. Tell her you’ve missed her. Go back to her.”

“I wish it was that simple…” I groaned.

If only I could just run into her arms and tell her over and over again how much I loved her. The problem was Mina. Mina would never let me.

“I’m getting married, remember?” I told her. “I can’t do anything about that. I’m doomed.”

Jihyo laughed from the other end, her voice hurting my ears.

“Who is Mina? Your master? Are you her slave? You can say no.”

But the truth was, that I couldn’t say no. Not to Mina. And I couldn’t tell Jihyo that, so I let it be.

“Ok.” I sighed. “Thanks, Omma.”

“Yah! How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that!”

“Alright!” I yelled, hanging up the phone.

I sighed again, nerves pulsing through me. Now I had to face Mina.

I unlocked the balcony door and returned inside. Mina was sitting on the lounge, watching a drama, but as she heard the door click shut again, she switched it off and turned to look at me. If her eyes were fitted with lasers, they would have burned a hole right in the centre of my head.

“You told me that you didn’t love her anymore.” Mina said. Her voice was quiet. I hated when her voice was quiet more than when it was loud. She was right. I had said that to her. Many times. Every time it was a lie. I thought she knew. She could always see right through me. No matter what I said, Mina could always work the truth out of me.

“I thought… I thought you knew…” I started. My voice was small.

“I just don’t get it.” Mina said. Her brows furrowed and she looked away to the blank screen. “We’re soulmates. We’re getting married, and you still don’t love me.”

“I wish I did.” I told her. It was true. Everything would be so much easier if I could just love Mina.

“She’s not even made for you.” Mina snapped suddenly, standing up. Her fists were clenched, and her eyes were sinister. “You don’t even see any colours when you touch her.”

She strode up to me and took the front of my shirt in her hands threateningly. I could see tears forming in her eyes.

“What’s so good about her? What does she have that I don’t? What about her could possibly turn you away from your soulmate?” Tears streamed down her face as the angry words spat from her lips. I didn’t know what to say to her. I was too scared to speak.

“I HATE KIM DAHYUN.” She screeched, hitting her other hand against my chest. She sobbed hard, giving up on her aggressive approach and leaning her head gently on my chest. Guilt overtook me in the moment that I enveloped her in my arms, her sniffles muffled in my shirt.

I had tried. Over and over again to love Mina. I really did.

But I still couldn’t feel anything no matter how colourful my world became.

***

I lay awake next to Mina, my mind racing with thoughts of Dahyun and the sound of Mina’s broken voice as she cried out over and over again in my mind: _I HATE KIM DAHYUN._

I couldn’t sleep, so I snuck out of bed and pulled on a hoodie and some shoes and left the apartment to take a midnight stroll to attempt to clear my thoughts. It was cold. I pulled up the hood and hid my hands in my pockets as I let my legs take me wherever they decided.

It wasn’t long before I ended up near a Starbucks. That same Starbucks I had met Dahyun out the front of.

_"I can't believe this!" She brought her hands to her head and jumped up and down slightly. "This is so weird...this is so weird." Then in the midst of her cute little freak out her face suddenly fell. "Fuck. My wallet is getting away." She turned to where the guy on the bike had passed me across the street. There was no way we could go after him now. She sighed and her face was bright again. "I suppose this is fate though... right?"_

I didn’t believe in fate anymore. I refused to accept it. If it was true, then why wasn’t I in love with Mina? Why was Dahyun always on my mind?

“You can’t sleep either?” Her voice sounded through the unusually quiet street. At first, I thought it was in my imagination, so I replied nonchalantly.

“I can never sleep when I’m thinking of you.”

“I- I’m flattered.” She stuttered, which caught me off guard and I turned to see… Dahyun. She stood there in her checked pyjama pants – the ones she always wore no matter how many times I had told her not to – and that sweater. I knew it was blue, because I had seen the colour once before. But it was the smell of it that was what I wanted to experience again. Her hands had disappeared in the sleeves and her breath condensed in the air above her head like a little halo.

I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to react. I guess I stood there like an idiot for a while because Dahyun began to giggle. The sound of it made me want to cry.

“I come here when I can’t sleep.” Dahyun said, looking away from me to the sign on the crossing that flashed the word STOP over and over despite the lack of cars. “Remember when my wallet got stolen?” She looked over again, her smile wide in that way that made her eyes disappear.

I was falling in love all over again.

“Remember when I saw the colours for the first time and you were so dumb that you decided to lie, and I was stupid enough to play along?”

“Why did you play along?” I blurted. The question had been on my mind for a long time. “Even though you knew?”

Dahyun paused and sighed deeply.

“I was a little desperate at first.” She chuckled, embarrassed. “I just wanted anyone to be my soulmate. I didn’t care if they couldn’t see what I could. I just wanted someone to hold my hand and be with me no matter what.”

She shuffled a little closer so that our shoulders were touching. I wanted to lean into her so badly, but I refrained.

“I didn’t expect you to lie for so long. But you did.” She continued. “And before you knew it, I was in love with a stupid, cute little liar and I had dug myself into a whole I could seemingly never get out of.”

There was a silence. I continued for her.

“And then I met Mina.” Dahyun nodded and leaned her head against my shoulder.

“And then you found your soulmate. And I lost mine.”

Another silence. A single car drove by.

“I never loved her.” I said. “I don’t feel anything when I’m with her.”

Silence again. You could only hear the sounds of soft puffs of breath and the drone of the distant highway.

“You’re getting married.”

“I don’t want to.”

“What are you going to do then?” I wasn’t expecting the question and I didn’t know how to answer, so instead I turned to look at her. I looked at the beautiful eyes I knew were brown even though I couldn’t see it.

“I don’t believe in fate or soulmates or anything like that.” I confessed. She looked at me like I was crazy.

“Momo, you literally found your soulmate and have proof that they exist what the…”

My cheeks heated up when she said my name. It had been so long since I had heard it from her mouth… in her voice.

“Say it again.” I said, bringing my hand to her cheek. It was soft and a little warm.

“Say what again?”

“My name…”

Dahyun paused, her eyes wide. Then she leaned into my hand, bringing her own up to touch the back of it.

“Momo.” She whispered. The tone was pleading. It hit me in the gut, and I felt tears begin to form. “Momo.” She said it again, her voice a little shaky as she stepped forward and buried her head into the crook of my neck. I returned the gesture, the familiar feel of her body enveloped in mine causing the tears to flow freely. Her sweater smelled so good.

“Momo, I love you… I always have.” She murmured, her lips brushing against my neck lightly. “I tried to push it away. I tried to call you a friend, but it was no use.”

Her body shook. She was crying. We both were.

“I don’t want you to be married!” She cried. “I don’t want you to be with Mina! I wanna be with you! I wanna be your soulmate! I wanna get married to you! Please don’t go Momo!”

She was sobbing, every word she said taking the energy out of her and every word stabbing me in the heart.

“I-is that a proposal then?” I laughed through my tears, rubbing my hand against her back. “Do you wanna get married? Even though we haven’t talked in three years?”

Dahyun laughed too, pulling back to look into my eyes. She was smiling through the tears. She was so beautiful.

“Momo, I haven’t stopped thinking about you for three years.” My heart raced at her words. “I don’t even care if you keep going back to Mina again and again. I’ll always be waiting for you. I’ll never stop loving you. I’ll never stop forgiving you.”

It hurt to hear her say it like that.

“I’m in love with you.” She said again. I didn’t need to say it back.

I pulled her into another warm hug. We stood in each other’s arms on the side of the street for what simultaneously felt like eternity and a split second.

“What are you doing?” Mina’s voice rang out like an alarm and my body stiffened. I pushed Dahyun behind me and turned to face her. Dahyun pressed herself to my back and took my hand, whispering apologies into my ear.

I didn’t know what time it was. It was still dark, but who knows how long I had been out for. Mina’s expression was unreadable. Deadpan and dark. I didn’t like it.

“I…” I tried to think of what to say, but Mina answered for me.

“You were confessing your undying love to someone who isn’t your soulmate.” She turned her sinister gaze to Dahyun who still stood behind me. “You.” She said, her expression morphing into pure hatred. “GET AWAY FROM MY SOULMATE.” She yelled.

“Fuck. Be quiet Mina,” I tried to calm her down. “We’re out on the street. People are trying to sleep.”

“I DON’T WANT TO CALM DOWN.” She breathed hard, approaching us slowly, pointing an accusing finger. “SHE’S MINE KIM DAHYUN. YOU HEAR?”

Dahyun buried her head into my shoulder. She was afraid.

“SHE SEES THE COLOURS WITH ME AND ME ONLY.” She was crying again. A few cars drove past. A few lights in apartments switched on. It was only a matter of seconds before this became a headline all over Korea.

I had to stop this. I had to do something.

So, I did. I said the first thing that came to my mouth.

“I LIED!” I could see some windows had been opened. Some people were filming. Some cars had stopped to watch the ordeal. This would ruin everything for Mina. It would crush her. It would break her apart.

But I did it anyway.

“I lied to you three years ago. I never saw those colours.” It was lame. Both Mina and Dahyun knew I was terrible at lying and that there was no way in hell I would have lied to Mina like that, but it had the intended effect. Mina froze for a moment, her face flashing what seemed like thousands of different emotions as she processed what I had just said.

“Momo you are suck a dumb fuck.” She growled eventually. “You really think I would fall for some shit like that?”

“They’re all watching.” I heard Dahyun whisper to me and I looked around to see the street suddenly awake. Cameras and phones were out. All of them were focused on Mina, Dahyun and me.

“Come here.” She said firmly. But I didn’t. I didn’t want to.

I was done being controlled by fate. I wanted to make my own decisions.

So, I grabbed Dahyun’s hand and ran.

I ran away from my problems just like I always did. Just like how I ran away from my parents when I didn’t succeed in becoming an idol. Like how I ran away from Dahyun when she rejected my love confession. Now I was running away from Mina.

I didn’t stop for a long time. I kept running and running down the dark streets. The wind in my hair and the hush of the night clogging my ears.

_Pathetic._

_Quitter._

_Liar._

I couldn’t hear when Dahyun yelled at me to stop.

I couldn’t see the lights of the car as it approached.

I couldn’t feel it when it hit me.

***

I awoke in a hospital bed. My body ached slightly, and my neck was braced so that I couldn’t move it. My face felt sticky and wet and I wanted to lift my arm to wipe whatever it was away, but I couldn’t. My arm was splinted, and I couldn’t move my fingers.

_Pathetic._

I never hated myself more in that moment than I had in my entire life. How stupid and reckless could I get?

My situation only got worse when I heard voices outside of my field of vision.

“It wasn’t a suicide attempt?” That voice… I hadn’t heard it in so long. Someone repeated the phrase in Korean. A translator.

“No, ma’am. It was just a road accident. Hirai-ssi was not looking where she was going when she crossed the road.” That was probably a doctor or nurse. Again, the phrase was repeated by the translator.

“Stupid girl.” Was the reply in Japanese.

_Pathetic_.

“Can I see her then?”

“Of course. Come through. She’s awake now.”

My mother appeared above me. Her face was a mixture of concern, outrage and disgust. Her dark hair was pulled back from her face in a tight bun, not a hair out of place. Her lips were pressed into a thin line as she decided what to say first. Her appearance made me wonder how long I had been out for.

“Mo-chan.” She spoke the nickname I hadn’t heard in years crossly. “You’re lucky you didn’t kill yourself.”

_What should I say to her?_ I thought to myself. _Should I apologise for never coming back? Should I yell at her for not caring until now?_

Instead of speaking, I broke down into tears.

_Pathetic_.

“Maybe if you’d persisted after you were rejected from that survival show you would be in a better place right now.”

_Quitter_.

“You’re meant to be getting married soon. How are you going to do anything in a state like this? Don’t you care?”

“Yes.” I squeaked out.

_Liar_.

“Well you’re not acting like you do. Your fiancé is out their worried sick for you. She’s you’re soulmate, Mo-chan. You need to be able to look after her.”

What was I supposed to say to that? Of course, I knew that I had to look after Mina. I had that obligation. It was my destiny. But how was I supposed to do that without breaking her heart because I love someone else? I was indifferent to her. I didn’t care anymore. I just wanted to be with Dahyun.

Dahyun. Where was she? Was she ok? I had dragged her along with me. What if I…

“Dahyun?” I called, ignoring the confused face of my mother. “Where’s Dahyun?” My mother was confused, not being able to understand the Korean I spoke.

“What is a Dahyun?” She questioned. I ignored her again. I needed to know that Dahyun was ok. I needed it. It was the only thing that mattered.

“Ah, Hirai-ssi.” A female voice I didn’t recognise spoke. A doctor leaned over. She was a middle-aged woman with salt and peppered hair and I already knew that I would hate her. “Dahyun is the woman you kissed right? The one that wasn’t your soulmate?”

Who the fuck told her –

Then it all made sense. The cameras. The people. Once again, my private life was splattered across the internet for the world to see.

“We have a specialist coming in that may be able to help you.”

“Help me with what? Where is Dahyun?” This was impossible.

“You clearly don’t love your soulmate. That isn’t normal. But we can fix that eventually. We have medication and a treatment plan already prescribed to begin after your recovery period is over.”

“You’re fucking kidding.” The doctor looked taken aback by my reaction and my mother looked horrifically confused. I would have laughed if it hadn’t been for the stupidity radiating off this woman. “I’m done with the fate game. DONE. Where is DAHYUN?”

She paused for a moment, her features shifting slightly as she decided whether or not she should tell me or not. I didn’t want to wait, so I did what any doctor would hate the most. I started to sit up.

The pain in my back was excruciating as I did so and, as predicted, it was only milliseconds before she gave in.

“OK! Calm down Hirai-ssi.” She pushed against my shoulders to place me gently back against the bed. “I’ll let her in.”

Even just that phrase told me she was ok. Relief flooded my body at the knowledge that Dahyun was simply waiting outside. She could move. She was fine. She wasn’t in a hospital bed like I was.

My mother frowned at someone who began to approach.

“So, you’re the girl who destroyed Mo-chan’s soul tie.” Her voice seethed with rage.

“I’m sorry, Ma’am. I don’t understand what you’re saying.” The sound of her voice.

“Dahyunie!” I called, feeling my eyes tear up as her face appeared above mine.

Her beautiful smile. That sweater. Her hair tied up in a bun on the top of her head like it always was when she was stressed. She reached down to touch my cheek. Her hand was warm.

“I’m sorry.” I told her. “I shouldn’t have run away.” Dahyun shook her head. She was so forgiving. I will never get over how she forgives me over and over again.

Then there were more faces. Nayeon with her hand over her mouth and Jeongyeon trying to comfort her from behind. Jihyo who looked like she was going to murder me, her hand held tightly in Daniel’s and Mina.

“YOU. ARE. AN. IDIOT.” Jihyo yelled, causing Daniel to shush her, looking around himself nervously.

“No need to be so loud.” He mumbled. “I’m glad you’re ok Momo.” He said then before grimacing at my neck brace and splinted arm. “Sort of.”

“I hate you so much Momo.” Jeongyeon complained. “She also hits me when she cries you know. I’m gonna have bruises!” Nayeon – who was in tears – shoved Jeongyeon away almost causing her to topple onto my confused and overwhelmed mother, who was not following the conversation at all.

“I DO NOOOOOT!” She cried. “MOMO ALMOST DIED! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? WATCH TELEVISION?”

“You don’t have to hit me.” Jeongyeon muttered. I loved this. The banter of my best friends and Dahyun’s presence my side. Nothing could be more perfect.

Mina spoke up then, silencing any further comments from my friends.

“I’m sorry.” She said, the phrase almost hitting me in the chest like a bullet. Myoui Mina didn’t say that. She never said that. All she ever said was that I was pathetic, a liar and a quitter. Because I was. But she never ever said sorry.

She wasn’t looking at me in the eyes. I could barely see her. She was just at the foot of my bed, almost sitting in my peripheral vision like something that wasn’t really there.

“I’m selfish. You don’t deserve that. You deserve someone to love you properly.” She glanced up at Dahyun, who glared. Everyone else was glaring too.

“I’m sorry I can’t love you.” I mumbled.

“You don’t need to say sorry.” Mina whispered. I couldn’t see her anymore. “You never did.”


End file.
